On Being Selfish

This week has been a really tough one. The whole family was shocked with the news of my uncle going into a coma after he fell down the stairs at some restaurant in Chicago. His son and mother were devastated and everyone else was in denial, Believing that his damaged brain will get better and the fact that he's in a coma is untrue.
He's dead now. May Allah grant him a high place in Jannah knowing that the family has donated 8 organs of his body, since they are functioning well.

What breaks my heart is hearing that tete -his mother- kept saying that she never had enough of him. He spent most of his life in the states and so his other 3 brothers. Living far away can make you forget how time flies and how years are passing in front of your eyes, without being able to catch up with people & stuff you always loved and found interesting back home...
Being far away from my parents and family was never this hard and for the 1st time since I moved to the states I wished I live in Chicago, at least. I have uncles and many cousins there, now standing side by side at these hard times. I have the rest of my family living in Amman also staying together, praying for a dying member.

My mom is in Chicago now, 4 hours away from me. I didn't go and she couldn't come. I thought about going, but knowing how hard it is to spend "quality" time with family there made me reconsider. Having a baby recovering from a bad cold made me reconsider. Realising how expensive it could be to travel with two kids to stay there for a couple of days made me reconsider. Thinking of how hard it could be to leave Mariyah here made me reconsider and the fact that Chicago is way colder than here made it even harder to just pack and go.

Am I being selfish...
Or Responsible..?
I mean, now that I have a family of my own, My daughters who would go through a lot if I travel even if for a couple of days are my main concern.
I felt lost several times this week, unable to decide what's best.
The whole tragic shock and the bad timing of such an incident made me feel lost. The human body is way weaker than I thought. In a glimpse of an eye you are born and brought to live your life and then you are gone! Just like that.

Is it worth all the worrying? all the scarifying? all the working to achieve this or that in life? Is it worth the tears? the rushing and the fights? Is it worth all the planning and the big responsibility we carry on our shoulders?

My uncle was a really good man. He had a really tender and loving heart. Lucky is the man who'll carry his heart soon in his body. I haven't seen my uncle in 15 years.
How long am I planning to stay away from my loved ones...what if it was me who fell down and went into a coma?

Am I being selfish in living away? from my parents and siblings?

May Allah guide us all to the right path.

Al hamdolillah dayman wa abadan :)

The Older You Get...

 My father in law called me on Mother's day to wish me a happy one. He made sure I remember that I'm a good mother. I made sure he remembers that without the love and support in my house, I wouldn't be the happy mother I am today.

Then we started talking about how fast time flies and how I miss my girls so much when they're asleep at night -he called me at night-. Then he said: "My dad once said, 20 years ago, he said: The older you get, the faster time flies!".

Today, I think of all the days that have passed since I stopped blogging. All the memories, the laughs and cries...The love and pain...All the growing..Nothing was documented. It doesn't feel right.

I thought about blogging about this and that but I never did. Well, I tried for a while but it didn't work.
Today I'm back, for good, I hope.

*Contact Me: supernido@yahoo.com