Monday, April 7, 2014

Giving with Love. Lots of Love.

I'm the regular kind of person who isn't that good when it comes to initiating friendships. It takes me time to trust and open up. I'm not good at following up but I'm good when it comes to keeping and treasuring good friends, forever.

During this past year, while being pregnant and until today, Allah sobhano has been blessing and surrounding me with angels in human beings bodies.
I kept wondering about what makes me so special for deserving all the kindness these angels are offering...

I then realized that it's not about me or how special I am, it's about Allah's plan in keeping mercy and love circulating among us, the human beings.
No matter how much I tell you, you won't believe how amazing my friends have been to me.

Babysitting, cooking, caring, gifting and throwing me a party after giving birth.
It's been an incredible journey.
I just pray for ability and strength to give back and to show appreciation and gratitude to those who give with lots of love.

You all know who you are and I love you from the bottom of my heart...

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Baking and Birthing Sophia.

I've always believed that within the family, pregnancy cravings determine the baby's gender. For example, me, my two sisters and mom had the same cravings for girls and the same for boys.
With both Mariyah's and Selma's pregnancies all I wanted to eat was sour food. I even had to squeeze lemon in my water. With Sophia's pregnancy I couldn't tolerate anything sour. All I wanted to eat was sweet, sweet and more sweet.

Unlike my previous pregnancies, Sophia's pregnancy didn't bring any glowing to my face. Didn't give me better hair and it didn't make me lose teeth.
It didn't give me the same pains or the same shape of the belly.

The 1st ultra sound said: we are guessing it's a girl. My heart accepted it but my mind did not.
I did the baking soda test at home, to see whether it's a girl or a boy, it approved the result of the first ultra sound. Still my mind did not accept it. "How come?" I kept thinking.
My friends refused to believe I'm carrying a girl in THAT belly.
They even had dreams of me carrying a boy.

My in laws joined us to a 4D ultrasound, the baby was still shy and the result said: we can't tell if it's a girl or a boy but we can tell it's not a boy.

My father in law -suegrito- told us that it wasn't convincing, that there's still a chance it's a boy.

We decided not to shop for any clothes until the baby shows up. I simply don't want neutral colors. I prefer Pink and Blue.

I started calling the baby "the mysterious one".
First, we were planning for a summer baby but she insisted on spring.
I was positive I'm going to have the same delivery story, like in my previous pregnancies where my water broke during contractions but this baby broke the water before the contractions started. And even though she was 6 days over the due date, delivering her was the fastest.
My water broke at 9:15 pm and she was born at 3:15 am the next day.

Your pregnancy story taught me a lot.
The moment I saw you, my heart skipped a beat or two. It didn't matter whether you're a boy or a girl, what mattered was knowing that I have another angel to mother. To love and to care for.

The tiny skin tag you have close to your ear was a clear message from Allah that he's capable of anything. Capable of turning my plans down, of adding days to my pregnancy, of adding birth marks of different shapes and sizes. A message that no matter how much thinking i put into something, i should always ask him for what he knows is best for me and not what i think is good.
I realized that I've allowed myself to drift away from praying for what's important and that I wasted so much time wondering what the gender is instead of just enjoying the journey.

These days, when I wash my face in the morning, I shed tears, not because of depression this time but because now I know how weak I am in front of Allah's power and plans.
When my father in law was admitted to the ICU a few days before my due date, I was freaking out. I wanted him to stay alive to witness the birth of his grandchild. I wanted jeeej to be with his dad to kiss him goodbye and with me at the same time so he wouldn't miss the delivery. My suegrito passed away one day prior to my due date. His funeral was 3 days after my due date.
Allah's plans are greater than ours. You feel lost before it all clears out and at the end you'll understand and realize that it all makes sense now.

Suegrito, I wish you're here to shower Sophia with hugs and kisses and to dance with her on a song you sing yourself.

Baba and mama, I can't wait to have you smell Sophia's hair and love her forever.

Jeeej, I thank Allah every second for having you as a father to my beautiful little girls. Today you hugged me tight and told me that a happy wife is a happy life and I love you even more for saying that.

Mariyah, Selma and Sophia,
I love you with all my heart my beautiful, smart and healthy babies.

Thank you Allah ya Wadud -the loving one- for surrounding me with loving people during these hard days to take care of me, my girls and my husband either by babysitting or cooking for us.

الحمد لله عدد ماكان وعدد مايكون وعدد الحركات وعدد السكون...

First week of pregnancy.

Second week of pregnancy.

The day we knew we were pregnant.

2nd month of pregnancy.

4th month.

5th month.

6th month.

7th month

9th month

A couple of days before due date.

3 days over the due date. During the funeral of my favorite
Father in law.

Sophia, you are two weeks old today :)!

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

It Might Be The Last Time.

You see, Mariyah was born 4 days earlier than her due date and Selma was 10 days late, so there's no way I can tell when this baby will introduce herself to us. My due date is on February 27th, but who knows? right?!

Because of that, these days, whatever I do, I just think it might be the last time I do it before I give birth...

Whenever I visit with my friends, outdoors or indoors I like to enjoy my time and relax as much as I can, next time, I might have the baby in my arms the whole time....

Whenever I clean, scrub and organize, I do it perfectly well, because next time I do it, my baby will be asking for this or that interrupting my cleaning plan.

Whenever I sit down to eat and enjoy a yummy dinner or a dessert, I try to enjoy every single bite, because you know, babies are so good at having you choke on your first bite every single time you sit down to eat. They're always starving when it's your meal time.

Whenever I go shop at my favorite places, I try to pass by every single aisle remembering how horrible my girls were/are when they join me in my shopping spree. Next time, the baby might be on me crying and pooping while I'm trying to "window" shop.

Whenever I take Mariyah to her taekwando class, I try to focus on her moves and enjoy her achievements because next time she goes, I might be stuck at home with the baby while jeeej is watching her and enjoying her training.

Whenever it's the weekend, or whenever we have extra time to spend as a family together I like to think of my eyes as a camera taking endless numbers of pictures of my girls enjoying being themselves because next time we go out as a Family, my baby will be demanding so much attention I might miss Mariyah's and Selma's giggles and laughs.

Whenever I take Selma to her swimming class, I like to keep sending her kisses from behind the glass and then show her my thumbs up to encourage her to do her best. Next time I take her, my baby might be staring at me from the stroller, stealing/melting my heart and then I would miss watching Selma floating on the water or jumping into it.

You might think I'm being negative writing down these words. I'm not. I can't wait to meet the baby and kiss her cheeks and smell her hair but at the same time, I'm scared she'll be a colicky baby like her older sisters.
I'm not a fan of newborns. I start enjoying kids -even my own- once they start talking but before we start communicating with each others by words, it's a tough life...

May Allah give me the strength and the wisdom to divide my heart/love between my girls and have them all love me as much as I do. It's a big responsibility that you won't be able to comprehend until you become a mother.

Thank you for reading, as this post might be the last one...

Until the baby shows up :)

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

When Majdaleen Visits...

You know how overwhelming it can be when you have visitors staying over at your house. No matter the duration, no matter how close they are it is I said, overwhelming.

When I knew that jeeej's sister was coming over to stay with us for two weeks, I didn't panic but I wanted everything to be perfect. I wanted my daughters to enjoy her and have fun since she was visiting during their winter break. I wanted the guest room to be ready for her. Most importantly I wanted to make sure she enjoys her visit.

Well, the moment she stepped inside the house, she made herself feel at home. The girls started jumping on her, requesting games, showered her with hugs and kisses and I felt relaxed, right away.

We didn't have big plans, she's a California girl after all. She was born and raised here so there wasn't anything special she wanted to do. We simple played it by ear. The days passed by spontaneously and we had fun.

I got to spend some quality time with her like never before, we talked and laughed a lot about the good old days and about life in general, we drank LOTS of Thai tea, we cooked together and went shopping together too.

I'm glad you visited Majdaleen, your visit meant a lot to us, all of us. we can't wait to see you again xoxo