Monday, May 26, 2014

My girls and I need the space.

It took me two months to decide on leaving Mariyah in California and bring Selma and Sophia with me to Amman so I can attend my sister Mimi's wedding. Mariyah's school ends on the 12th of June, she couldn't leave her lottery school to join me, otherwise she would lose her spot there. It wasn't easy to decide and accept the idea but the thought of giving Mariyah a chance to experience life without me, to be independent and to spend some quality time with jeeej and his mom, made it so much easier.

She is having a blast. Her teta has been taking her to some favorite places and feeding her well every day. Jeeej is doing a great job in the afternoons and on this long weekend. She's excited to share her news with me when we Skype. She keeps asking jeeej to take pictures of her projects and drawings and then send them to me.

Some people here ask me if I trust jeeej enough to take care of her the right way while I'm not around. No matter how much I explain no one will understand how attentive he is, How gentle and caring he is. A week before I left them in California, jeeej took Mariyah and Selma camping with our friends and their kids for 2 nights.

I didn't join because I was preparing for Amman's trip, plus I needed sometime to rest with baby Sophia. My friends kept comforting me by texts telling me that the girls are doing great and behaving well away from me. The camping trip made me feel more relaxed about leaving Mariyah.

I keep reminding myself that giving my girls some space is important, that time flies and that I'll hold Mariyah tight in no time, inshaAllah.

Saturday, May 3, 2014

A Letter to Sophia on her 2 month birthday.

Dear Sophia,

This letter is for you on your 2 month birthday. It might upset your older sisters, Mariyah and Selma but I have to be honest because I'm your role model, right?

When your sister Mariyah was born, I was a clueless mother who didn't know what to do. I couldn't hold her right, couldn't change her diapers, couldn't give her baths and couldn't cut her nails. All I did was cry whenever she cried. I cried when she had hiccups. I cried when she threw up. She used to throw up a lot because no body told me it's important to burp her. I got depressed and had to take medications to get better. It took me long months to decide who's the boss and to get to know her well. When I finally did, it was time to bring her a sister to play with.

When Selma arrived, your grandmother and uncle came all the way from Amman to help me out. I was too busy trying to please everyone and make sure we're all entertained and having fun. Your grandmother wanted to do everything for Selma. She gave her baths, changed her diapers, rocked her to sleep and I was enjoying being a careless and a lazy mother.

To be honest, I don't remember doing much for your older sisters. I wasn't fully present. I wanted to but I just couldn't. I'm glad I kept taking pictures and blogging about their achievements because otherwise I wouldn't be able to remember all the details in their lives.

Sophia, being pregnant with you brought me lots of pains, but I was determined to overcome them all. Something deep inside me kept telling me that it's going to be alright.

The moment I saw you I knew how it's going to be like. I knew how much love and passion I have for you. I knew that no matter how tired you get me I'll always hug you and kiss you. When your sisters used to wake up for feedings at night, I used to get upset with myself, my life and everyone around me. But these days, when you wake up crying, I run to your room, I hold you tight and I kiss you until you go crazy, no matter how tired I am or sleep deprived I just keep thanking Allah for this beautiful blessing I'm experiencing for the first time in my life.

The blessing of motherhood.

Sophia, on your two month birthday I confess to you and to the world that you're the one who made me feel like a mother, a real mother who enjoys suffering for her own newborn.

Whenever I try to explain my feelings to mothers around me they say it's the experience, the age -mine, not yours- or simply because #3 in the family is always as charming.

May Allah grant me patience and more patience to go through these hard and sleepless nights.

I love you Sophia.

And Mariyah and Selma too.

Your Mama.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Sophia's Aqiqa.

A few of weeks ago we had a Aqiqa party for baby Sophia. I wanted to write about it a while ago but I was sleep deprived, every single night. I still am but if I don't do it today, I may never do it. Well, maybe once baby Sophia starts sleeping all night long I can get back to blogging regularly :)

She might sleep all night long pretty soon. Time is so fast. Kids grow really fast. I was looking up some pictures from Mariyah's and Selma's Aqiqa when I realized how tiny there were. I remember all the details about those very beautiful days as if they took place yesterday.

*click on pix for better resolution until I figure out the right way to post them.

Sophia was 40 days old when we had her Aqiqa party at the park. She woke up in a very good mood and kept smiling non stop. She spent most of the day asleep while at the park and we all had fun.

The lamb was tasty and the cake was fun too. But on top of all, our beloved ones joined us and had fun too :)

Sophia my baby, May Allah bless us in His gift to us, may you reach the maturity of years, and may we be granted your righteousness.

I love you my third baby

Monday, April 7, 2014

Giving with Love. Lots of Love.

I'm the regular kind of person who isn't that good when it comes to initiating friendships. It takes me time to trust and open up. I'm not good at following up but I'm good when it comes to keeping and treasuring good friends, forever.

During this past year, while being pregnant and until today, Allah sobhano has been blessing and surrounding me with angels in human beings bodies.
I kept wondering about what makes me so special for deserving all the kindness these angels are offering...

I then realized that it's not about me or how special I am, it's about Allah's plan in keeping mercy and love circulating among us, the human beings.
No matter how much I tell you, you won't believe how amazing my friends have been to me.

Babysitting, cooking, caring, gifting and throwing me a party after giving birth.
It's been an incredible journey.
I just pray for ability and strength to give back and to show appreciation and gratitude to those who give with lots of love.

You all know who you are and I love you from the bottom of my heart...